Title: A Passing Feeling
Pairing: Julian/ Craig Nicholls some talk of Julian and Nick...some talk of Craig and Patrick.
Summary: Julian looks back and stuff between him and Craig
We started it after Nick and Pat. I used him to get over Nick. He used me to get over Pat. It was perfect. He’d call me up, I’d go find him, we’d do out business, we’d be done. No emotions involved.
I’d drink, He’d smoke. We’d forget each others other. He’d tell me stories about Pat. How Pat hurt him in front of all those fans, who had no idea what was happening. How Pat embarrassed him beyond belief. I would think “How could Patrick hurt such a pretty face?” He really did love Pat. Probably always will. And after a while it started to bother me. How could he love someone who hurt him like that when I sat right in front of him, perfect for him. I would never hurt him like that.
So our non-emotion rule, I broke it. I was getting attached to him. I wanted to save him. I wanted to protect him. I wanted to love him. But he wanted none of it. He wanted Pat. He didn’t want me.
So I’d listen to him tell me stories about Pat, and how everything went wrong. And I would hold my tongue. I pretended it didn’t bother me. But after a while, he stopped talking about Pat. And he’d ask me about Nick. (Whom I completely forgot about) So I’d tell him how me and Nick used to fuck each other senseless. Just to get him jealous, but it never worked. He didn’t care. He’d just play with my hair, while I told the painful details.
Then it was only me calling him. It was only me. He didn’t need me anymore and I needed him with every fiber of my being. Our little plan back fired. We were supposed to stay together until both us didn’t need each other. I still needed him. But I guess it didn’t count because I didn’t need him for Nick anymore. I needed him for him.
I was getting stupid. I started calling him everyday. Twice a day when I was drunk. He stopped taking my calls. He stopped talking to me all together. He said he needed time to write his album and he’d call me when it was done. But that was a Lie and I knew it.
It was Nick who gave me the news. He told me Craig and Ryan were together now. I was left for someone better then me again. It’s always someone better then me.
So the days turned dark and I vowed never to love again. It’s not as hard as it sounds. I hated Craig for not loving me and for loving Ryan. I hated Nick for telling me about it and for getting Amanda pregnant.
But there is always someone worse off then me. I needed someone I could use like they used me. Someone I could make more bitter then me, and someone I could hurt more then they hurt me. And that’s when I saw Albert in a whole new light.